


The actual answer is no one knows

by sandyk



Series: season 3 tried to be canon post eps [4]
Category: Superstore (TV)
Genre: Gen, certainly some hints of jonah loves amy, lots of talk about boners and masturbation in this one, post ep for workplace bullying
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-20
Updated: 2017-10-20
Packaged: 2019-01-20 06:24:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,198
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12426843
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sandyk/pseuds/sandyk
Summary: "Hey, so how was trivia night?" Jonah stepped closer to Amy as she shelved. "Heard you went.""Oh, so, people told you I fell asleep?" Amy glared at him. "Boner boy." (post ep 3.04)





	The actual answer is no one knows

**Author's Note:**

> not mine, no profit garnered. the title is the actual answer from a page of trivia questions someone downloaded at work for a trivia round. (Something about ducks quacking.)

"Hey, so how was trivia night?" Jonah stepped closer to Amy as she shelved. "Heard you went."

"Oh, so, people told you I fell asleep?" Amy glared at him. "Boner boy." Jonah had really been hoping that Amy had missed that gossip, but it was Cloud 9. He was doomed. 

"Great, great, great," Jonah said. "We're both, can I say we're both sort of humiliated today? And will be for a few days. Then it'll pass and people will only bring it up once every few weeks or so."

"What? I'm not humiliated," Amy said. "I fell asleep. People get tired."

"Cheyenne showed me pictures. You drooled a little," Jonah said.

"You had an erection from Dina beating you up," Amy said. "Which is super disturbing."

"I'm touch starved," Jonah said.

"That's not an excuse," Amy said.

Jonah took a deep breath. "Okay, but when you don't do certain things, you get, you know, this is probably TMI --"

"Anything to do with your penis is TMI," Amy said. "Oh God, I said penis to you. I hate everything."

"You're sleep deprived," Jonah said. "Lonely and sleep deprived, and you didn't know the answer to three of the trivia questions." He grimaced. "Sorry, I take it back, that was mean."

"Everything you said was true," Amy said. "I'm a sad divorced person."

"I don't feel comfortable doing certain things while I'm staying with Garrett," Jonah said, looking at his shoes.

"Why not? You leave the door open to pee," Amy said.

"It's different," Jonah said. He realized he had made a sort clutching gesture that didn't make sense. "It's different, like, only when I'm home and he's not."

"Garrett goes to trivia night and you don't," Amy said. "I saw him. He knows a lot about Japanese cinema." Jonah looked up slightly. 

"Really? We never watch any at home. Also, I went to trivia night a few times. Then they said I couldn't be on their team because I was too competitive. Compared to Mateo. Compared to Mateo, I was too competitive. You yell at someone on the other team once, you're too competitive."

"You don't yell," Amy said.

"I told you, I'm too competitive. They were exactly right. The other team was 65 year old librarians," Jonah said. "But there aren't many nights besides Trivia Night for me to relax."

"Please stop talking to me about masturbation," Amy said.

"Sure," Jonah said. "But I wouldn't want you to think I am actually attracted to getting beat up or Dina or getting beat up by Dina."

"Instead I get to hear about how you don't feel comfortable doing that in Garrett's place," Amy said. "Half the people who work here do that in the employee bathroom, or the dressing rooms. We both know that." She shrugged and kept looking at his shoes.

"Nope, nope, nope," Jonah said. "So I think we're done here." He decided to work somewhere else.

An hour later he had his lunch in the break room and Garrett wheeled over to sit by him. "Hey, why don't you feel comfortable jerking off in the apartment? I feel comfortable. I did it twice this morning."

Jonah did not spit out his garlic noodles with tofu, he just choked a little. He looked around but they were actually mostly alone in the break room. The closest person was Brett who was ignoring both of them to watch the TV. Jonah said, "Can we not talk about that here? Also, who told you? Does everyone know that now?"

"Just Amy, come on. She came over to tell me that she was only sleep deprived and then she just spun out and so I got the whispered lowdown on you. She whispered, dude, don't worry. And you should worry because that's more embarrassing than getting turned on by Dina. Especially since Dina keeps telling people it was a very respectable sized boner," Garrett said. He started eating his mac and cheese. Jonah resisted the urge to point out that Garrett had used the fancy cheese Jonah had bought at the farmer's market. Jonah was bringing something good to Garrett's life. He was an excellent roommate. 

Garrett said, "Seriously, go ahead. Rub one out in the shower, in your room. Not in the kitchen or the living room. Not in my room."

"Thank you? But it's just, you know, it takes me time to feel at ease. And it's not a problem, I'm just explaining a largely involuntary physical reaction," Jonah said.

"That's important to know," Garrett said. "Maybe you should get a girlfriend. Amy's lonely."

"Nope, not Amy. Any other suggestions?" Jonah put down his chopsticks. "I'm serious."

"No one at this store, except for Amy. Since when did you have problems getting women? More women than I'd think are attracted to, to you," Garrett said.

"You were holding back an insult there," Jonah said. "Thank you."

"I was," Garrett said. "You're an embarrassing friend."

"An embarrassing best friend?"

"No," Garrett said. "I do like this cheese, though."

"It's great cheese."

"Except, now that I've said that to you, I'm going to be thinking about you feeling comfortable enough to masturbate every time we're home at the same time. Is he doing it now? Is he doing it now?" Garrett grinned. Then he frowned. "Not to make you feel uncomfortable."

"Now you're trying to make me feel uncomfortable," Jonah said. "You tease me a lot."

"You have that kind of face, man. And that kind of personality," Garrett said. "Also, I didn't upload the video to youtube, so clearly I like you."

"Yeah, I appreciate that," Jonah said.

"It was really tempting," Garrett said.

By the end of his shift, Jonah was nearly convinced the humiliation would pass quickly. Only a few people made fun of him. They made fun of him a lot but he also heard a number of remarks about Jeff's boots, the irritating new hire, and even Dina. Also a few digs at Amy.

Jonah had accidentally parked next to Amy. He didn't like to do that, he thought it made it seem like he still had a crush on her. Not that he'd had a crush on her. It had been more than that.

Amy came up and said, "Stop staring at my car."

"Sorry," Jonah said. "How was your day after all?"

"People were talking more about you than me, so after all, it was okay," Amy said.

"Hey, if you wanted, we could go to trivia night. A different one. It starts at 7 pm," Jonah said, regretting every word as it came out.

"Really?" Amy smiled and then stopped. "Um, I am trying to think of a reason to say no."

"I'm sure you'll think of something," Jonah said.

"Not yet," Amy said. "Where are we going?"

"It's a brewpub in Old North," Jonah said. "Are we really doing this?"

"It sounds like fun," Amy said. "That's weird."

"Well, let's do it before we talk ourselves out of it. Let's have fun, head to the fun trivia zone," Jonah said.

Amy got into the passenger seat of his car. She said. "Keep talking like that and I will regret saying yes."


End file.
